Singing through the storm: w/anxiety in tow :(

I feel like I'm in a war zone on the platform where we minister. Some kind of spiritual bully is out to get me. Perhaps it's the inner me and not the enemy. Could be both!

All I want to do is edify God and encourage His people. Why is it every single time I get up to sing at church I mess it up bad? When I was out in the world singing about rolling trees and some: I'd rather die young mess, I was fine. Had the occasional blip here and there but that was due to having too much to drink before singing. So what's my deal? Am I intimidated? Have I not learned how to move out of the way? I'm not the boastful type but my voice is above average so there's really no excuse. It's a good thing I do well with humility or I would never go back to church just to save face! This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. From the sounds of the aftermath the song I ministered a long with the Ensemble really blessed folks. Sounds like the atmosphere was set up real nice with all the shouting and testimony going on as proof of the presence of God. Something we did must have pleased Him. So then, what is my problem? Am I too focused on everything I did wrong? Bad notes and poor usage of air for two. If you ask me there's no excuse for it! I rehearsed PLENTY! Maybe part of it is the Ensemble is so powerful and I could barely hear myself. Singing deaf doesn't do one much good for staying on tune. Ugh. I am annoyed with myself but also thankful to witness the way God moved through the building today. There was a Worship & Praise in every corner. It was bananas. I tried leaving. Got as far as my car and the Holy Spirit led me back in to the building where encouragement was met. I think folks could tell I was discouraged. Lord, HELP. That's all I can pray. I truly believe there is ministry inside my belly which is more important than sounding perfect. Singing without error I did professionally but no time in that "show" did God move like He did today. I'm trippin! Pray for me. 

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