Birdy Wordy

Somewhere in between the desire to serve and getting things done, ministry has become a to-do list and filing system. Singing praises has become a rehearsal date and an all day obligation come Sunday. With good intentions in tow I've drifted from the heart of worship feeling further from God. My worship has become a predictable offering and not a surrender. Don't get me wrong, I am a worshiper by design and experience the presence of God (only by His grace) but I'm certain there's more of me He desires to get a hold of but it has to be by my submission not force. A check-list and full calendar of to-do's designated for "kingdom work" is no longer cutting it. I could be comfortable right where I am but there has to be more of me to give in spirit. There's more He's placed in me to redeem. Clearly in order to deepen my worship with my life I have to make choices to surrender my life for His purpose. That's a no-brainer at this point in my

What I'm learning now. Having faith that God has my life in His hands. Discerning God's voice vs. My own. Waiting. There are specific areas of life I have to address before I can move forward. These are things that are long overdue. God must always be #1. Always pray for direction. Guard the heart. Specific relationship dont's. Finish.

I feel like I'm in a war zone on the platform where we minister. Some kind of spiritual bully is out to get me. Perhaps it's the inner me and not the enemy. Could be both! All I want to do is edify God and encourage His people. Why is it every single time I get up to sing at church I mess it up bad? When I was out in the world singing about rolling trees and some: I'd rather die young mess, I was fine. Had the occasional blip here and there but that was due to having too much to drink before singing. So what's my deal? Am I intimidated? Have I not learned how to move out of the way? I'm not the boastful type but my voice is above average so there's really no excuse. It's a good thing I do well with humility or I would never go back to church just to save face! This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. From the sounds of the aftermath the song I ministered a long with the Ensemble really blessed folks. Sounds like the atmosphere was set up real nice with al